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Postpartum support 1/06/2014
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Postpartum Support

Hello Ladies,
I hope everyone is well, tonight.  If anyone would like to do a check in we could certainly start there.  I know that these months are not easy for you...
Did you take time for yourself since the last time that we met?
 

31 Comments to Postpartum Support:

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M on Monday, February 04, 2013 6:56 PM
Melissa here. Sorry I missed last meeting. I messed up my Thursdays. Sitting here with "H" eating fishies and watching Mickey Mouse. How is everyone doing?
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Maria on Monday, February 04, 2013 7:02 PM
Hi... It's Maria. I have been struggling this week with feeling overwhelmed with work and outside commitments and trying to figure out how I can stop the fact that I have a baby from keeping me from enjoying life. Mostly I feel like I am responsible for SO much and my husnabd's life hasn't changed all that much and every time something else gets piled on for ME to deal with I am resentful and overwhelmed and feel the old feelings of wishing I didn't ever have a baby creeping back which makes me feel guilty an then it's just a whole cycle that keeps repeating.
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kim on Monday, February 04, 2013 7:04 PM
its kim. its been stressful with j cutting his molars. missed you last time melissa
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M on Monday, February 04, 2013 7:09 PM
Hi Maria, "Let Go & Say No" is what I used to say to myself. The "Let Go" was letting go of expectations and the need to control every situation. Let my husband take on more responsibility. And, as long as she was not harmed by the situation, let him learn how to be a Dad his own way. The "Say No" was stopping everyone from piling on me when I simply could not handle any more. If people invited us over, or asked to come over, or for me to help with something, I have simply said "NO". This is something that I am really proud of myself for, since I have a hard time not pleasing people. @Kim. I missed you too!!!
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kim on Monday, February 04, 2013 7:13 PM
let go and say no. i like that alot. thats not always an easy thing to do but i think its important to do when your overwhelmed.
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M on Monday, February 04, 2013 7:16 PM
@Kim - It's hard as hell to do. :) But it serves as a good reminder and mantra. If it can help you get through 5 minutes, then it's worth it. @Maria, Is there anything that you can reassign to your husband? Cooking? Cleaning? Bath time for the baby? What are his responsibilities surrounding the home and the baby? What can you Let Go of?
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kim on Monday, February 04, 2013 7:23 PM
is it typical for dads to have certain responsibility? i feel resentful towards joeys dad because i feel like im doing the majority of everything except paying bills. i think sometimes i feel angry with kevin and direct my anger towards j because im so afraid of being angry with kevin. i know that this is horrible and i feel horrible even admitting this.
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M on Monday, February 04, 2013 7:30 PM
@Kim, That's not horrible at all. We all know times when we were feeling resentful or frustrated and have taken it out on the people we love the most. I hate the traditional "woman takes care of the house and man pays the bills" roles. I didn't sign up to be the maid. I am an equal partner in this relationship. It just so happens that my job, right now, is taking care of "H". Paul, within the last few months, has gotten it. He now does the laundry sometimes and almost always does the dinner dishes. If I cook, he cleans up. And vise versa. As I have said before, I am able to get Paul to do anything as long as I write it down in a list - grocery shopping, vacuuming, laundry, anything. It's worth a try with Kevin. Start small. Have low expectations, but still be mindful that you deserve respect and a break from all of the roles you play!
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M on Monday, February 04, 2013 7:32 PM
We also have a "rule" that whoever puts Hannah to bed, the other cleans up the family room and any dishes from snack. The expectations are preset and there is no need to have a discussion or argument about it.
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kim on Monday, February 04, 2013 7:33 PM
im going to try that melissa.
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M on Monday, February 04, 2013 7:34 PM
How do you think it will go? What will he say?
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kim on Monday, February 04, 2013 7:38 PM
im not sure. in the past ive made known to him that i am angry because he can go to sleep or go whereever he wants anytime without checking with me and he doesnt have to bring joey but i cant do that. to take a simple shower i have to check with him to make sure its okay. to take a nap or go to wawa to get coffee or go to the store by myself i have to ask him. when i told him this makes me angry he kind of just doesnt say anything or says okay or that he understands but nothing.... NOTHING changes. i feel like he is saying i understand that your upset with this but you just have to deal with it because it isnt changing
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M on Monday, February 04, 2013 7:46 PM
I am jealous of Paul all the time. Imagine getting to go to work where you get to talk to adults, go out for lunch, chit chat at the water cooler. It's like heaven to a Stay at home Mom.
I can't go anywhere alone without asking either. I try to say it differently though. I say, "I am going to the store, do you mind watching H?" - Not, "Could you please watch H for me?" The difference is in the phrasing - subtle, but important. You have the right to go out alone, get a break, get a coffee
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kim on Monday, February 04, 2013 7:54 PM
Yeah thats a good way of phrasing it. I did get to go to the store 2 times this weekend by myself so its getting better. Just takes time I guess.
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M on Monday, February 04, 2013 7:58 PM
I have found that the older "H" gets, the easier it is. I think that Paul pictured a child that would be interactive and able to run around outside with him from the beginning. It was a hard transition to deal with the infant phase where she was not interactive so much. Joey is getting older. He is going to be talking up a storm soon. As soon as he can communicate easier, it's going to get easier for Kevin to relate to him.
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Jennifer on Monday, February 04, 2013 8:00 PM
Melissa..we missed you too. Is eating fishies and watching MMCH a good thig? Are you able to relax? Maria...Many of us have felt the same way. If you can put yourself out there and ask for time away maybe he will not think twice about helping out. They really have no clue that you want and NEED a break. Kim...are you getting any sleep? Is he sleeping in his big boy bed?
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Jennifer on Monday, February 04, 2013 8:01 PM
You are always so supportive and caring towards one another. I hope to see you all at the next meeting.....NO SURVEY!!! Remember, ENOUGH is always ENOUGH!!
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